Coping

Thu, Jun 1 2017 09:58am EDT 1
librarybabe
librarybabe
2 Posts
I'm so grateful to have found this site.

My husband was arrested and charged a couple of months ago and his first court date is in two weeks. We have two young daughters and I'm trying to keep it together for their sakes.

We already have plans to move in with my in-laws so that I have some help if/when he is sentenced but the stress of not knowing what is going to happen to us is making me feel like I'm losing my mind. There are days when I can't stop crying and shaking and days when I feel like maybe it's all just a terrible joke someone is playing on us and it can't possibly be real.

How do you process that someone you love has made such a terrible choice? I'm not going to leave him, I love him and he's a wonderful father and husband and isn't at risk to reoffend but his offence is federal so I can't see him avoiding jail time even though that's what we are both obviously praying for.

I want him to have a penalty for his actions and he knows that if it happens again he will lose us (I don't know that I could endure this process twice) but I desperately don't want to be a married single parent for who knows how long. The maximum sentence he could receive is 10 years. When I think about that I just want to lie down and never get back up.

Is every day going to be like this until his sentencing? How do you cope?
Fri, Jun 2 2017 05:37pm EDT 2
librarybabe
librarybabe
2 Posts
We found out today that the crown is asking for 12 months of incarceration. 12 months. I can do anything for 12 months. Time to take some deep breaths.

Now to find out how long until sentencing. He has court on the 14th of June and I'm hoping and praying they hold off on the sentencing until after our move in August. After that everything will be fine. And if not it will still be fine, just a little more difficult.

I just have to try to stay positive, right?
Wed, Jun 7 2017 08:13pm EDT 3
Island Girl
Island Girl
14 Posts
Yes stay positive!!! Keep busy & keep it moving! Everyday is another day closer to him being home. You got this;) XO
Wed, Jun 28 2017 01:48pm EDT 4
Katie2709
Katie2709
2 Posts
My fiancé got 16 months federal time.. we are still waiting for a letter in the mail saying where he has to go etc. we have been together for 8 years . How do you prepare for something like this??
Fri, Jun 30 2017 09:36pm EDT 5
Wamma
Wamma
1 Posts
Ugh! I know how you feel :(. I've gone through a major depression since his arrest because I feel so alone now & plus I feel worried about him being in there 24/7 and wondering if he's ok, what he's doing etc. It has been a major stress factor for both of us and it's showing mostly on his end, he suffers from manic depression & he's been arrested for month & I can tell the depression is kicking in. He's become very distant towards me when I visit him, he doesn't talk as much. Don't call as much. His family tells me to leave him where he is but I refuse to let him go through this alone. I'm hoping that if I keep visiting him every week & writing him that he will kick out of his depression & that will make me feel a lot better.
Thu, Nov 30 2017 09:25am EST 6
Red Barron
Red Barron
1 Posts
I am new to this site and the court process too.
My BF has uet to be sedbtenced. We live in Arizona and this is a drug offense. He was on Probbtion which was revoked and he is being hld in jail untl sentenceing. We have been to court 3 times since in 2 weeks. I am having some of the same feelings and behaviors that have been commented above. I go from a mass of tears and anxiety to strong and capable in a matter of minutes....I cant concentrate, and I am terrified that I am not going to hold up. Yet when he calls me, my world turns upside down. I feel every emotion like a wave...all at one time. It is a rush...love, fear, longing, happiness , relief...you name it. Hard to stop myself from being negative, asking questions eats up precious time. I miss him so much and it has only been 2 weeks.
Yesterday was supposed to be sentencing but the PD said that he is going to file for an extention. My BF stands to get 12.5yrs if he goes to trial, which the PD said would not be in BF's best interest. So we are pleading for no more that 4.5yrs with 85% served, drug rehab and time for good behavior. I can do that. I tell myself often that I am strong and I love him so 2.5-4.5 ok...if 12.5yrs I am unsure. Which makes me want to cry and not stop. His family wants nothing to do with him now and I have been cut off as well....I was told by the PD to get reference letters for him and any information that would tell of troubles in the past (things that may have led to this point in his life)...His sister told me that she could say anything that would be helpful, he has used her ,"sucked her dry emotionally", and taken everyone for granted too often. She said she is thamkful that her 2 neices are with their mothers and not exposed to his behavior any longer. I wished her and her family well and thanked her for the text. This text went to his ex wives as well. Now i am on the outside and dont have to listen to the negativ comments from them any longer. Sorry that was so long, needed to get it out. And all of the sister stuff was happiening in tandem with my daughter having a nervous breakdown and threatening suicide(over stress because of BFs incarceration. She is 15 and this is hard for me!)...I told sister this and she compeletly ignored it. Well, I appreciate all of you that have been sharing. I need this too...STAY STRONG! YOUR LOVED ONE NEEDS YOU! YOU HAVE EVERY REASON TO FALL APART AND YOU ARE THE REASON THEY DONT FALL APART. Bless all of you and find the good moments, find the little pockets of sunshine:)







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