SPWF Loving a Lifer

SPWF Loving a Lifer

For ladies whose loved ones are serving a life sentence.
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About

This group is for anyone whose loved one is serving a life sentence. It's a special place to come to talk and get support from other ladies who understand what it is like to be serving such a lengthy sentence with their men.

Latest Activity

  • ×
    Admin JoJo Matthews
    Admin JoJo Matthews commented on the group SPWF Loving a Lifer's wall:
    Sooooo my love called me yesterday morning to say he got moved to another Pod and now gets contact visits. It's through bars but I will take it. He also got a job which he's been waiting for a very long time. I'm so beyond excited!!!
    6 days ago
    • kkadam
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      kkadam This is great news, I am so excited for you both
      6 days ago
  • ×
    AmyJo
    AmyJo commented on the group SPWF Lifer Beauty Group's wall:
    Hi everyone, I have a general, somewhat random question I wanted to ask and see if anyone had any feedback or insight. My baby and I are planning on getting married around October, and then there's the next 30 to 50 years of our lives where he will ...
    2 years ago
    • Nicole
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      Nicole Hey, AmyJo! First off, congratulations on getting married in October!! That's absolutely wonderful :). You honestly don't sound like you're in denial. If you feel content about it and if you're happy, that's all that matters!Taking it one day at a time is one of the best things you can do. But also preparing for the future and thinking of the future wouldn't hurt at all. It'll be a cushion to fall back on for the both of you. I'm figuring out my career still since im in school, and he's going to try and take some college courses to get his degree :). Of course there will be ups and downs, but we all go through it here so you will have plenty of support over here!
      2 years ago
    • Nancie
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      Nancie Congratulations! I think that is woderful.
      7 months ago
  • ×
    Ro ❤ CoFounder/President
    Ro ❤ SPWF Owner/CoFounder/CEO commented on the group SPWF Lifer Beauty Group's wall:
    Nicole.... I know EXACTLY what you mean. I tried to explain it once and this was the best I could come up with: we live right on the edge of a breakdown all the time. It actually takes a lot of hard work and effort to keep our head above water. To ...
    2 years ago
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    Nicole
    Nicole commented on the group SPWF Lifer Beauty Group's wall:
    Sorry for the venting post, but I need to let this out. I have faith that my boyfriend will one day get out of prison, and I have support and people who believe the same thing. But the ones that say it's impossible is what affects me the most. It's ...
    2 years ago
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    PoetsGirlfriend
    PoetsGirlfriend commented on the group SPWF Lifer Beauty Group's wall:
    @Ro I know exactly what you mean! If Tyler came home tomorrow I would be happy but I am nowhere near ready. I also need to move to a place so Tyler would have space and we would definitely need to go shopping. No matter when he comes home I will be ...
    2 years ago
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    Ro ❤ CoFounder/President
    Ro ❤ SPWF Owner/CoFounder/CEO commented on the group SPWF Lifer Beauty Group's wall:
    Here's a question... I'm not sure either for thoughts are going to transpire properly into words but I will try... If your lifer was released tomorrow, would you be ready? I certainly would not. I always hear you should. Make space in your life ...
    2 years ago
    • DustinsMom
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      DustinsMom Mine is home. We were readty but there iis a lot of adjusting to do. He misses social cues sometimes. I tend to be a little clingy but we just keep working and talking.
      2 years ago
    • DustinsMom
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      DustinsMom BTW he was life wit posssibly pr parole- did 23
      2 years ago
    • sweetestlatina
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      sweetestlatina i think home is ready im not sure hes ready for my life's crazy lol but he adapts quickly i know there is alot to teach him but im ready for that we have good family support too
      2 years ago
    • Queen Afrika
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      Queen Afrika I don't think I would be ready since I've only known him for 2 months! I think that it'll take adapting on both ends
      2 years ago
    • Samie
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      Samie My Husband has been down 3 years with 3 to go and since the day he got arrested I been ready, Maybe its this way for us since we have our house and everything and had 2 wonderful years being Married b$ this nightmare, anyway I always tell him Boo all your stuff is here for you and I have a Ton of Kool Aid and food if you pop in early :) I no that being away from the world feeling will be a lill different but we have plans for forever and will look back at this some day soon..........Prayers for you ladies and your Men:)
      2 years ago
    • Shi
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      Shi aww sam youre so strong! i admire chicks likr u. my hubby n i havr 3 to go. how was the road for u and urs so far if u dont mind me asking? i wish we were three years in. were just starting n it seems so depressing :(
      2 years ago
    • Samie
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      Samie We have been strong through it all, last July he was in a pretty bad sitiuation that landed him in the ICU and then ICON for 6 months, the other guy got his Ass/ Face beat down ,,,,He is finally close to home now and healing, Were best friends and I have a really great business sio I stay busy and keep him smiling with Visits calls pics of home and food when hes aloud, were getting contacts back nest month.....Girl this site is deffinetyl helpful:)
      2 years ago
    • JoJo Matthews-Staff Member/Website Moderator
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      JoJo Matthews-Staff Member/Website Moderator Yes if he came home tomorrow I would be ready. We would just move in with his mom. She lives in a condo that's privately owned. She is a handy woman and works odd jobs here and there so they could start a business together. I would just continue with my jobs and job hunting!!! I wouldn't even blink a eye.
      2 years ago
    • Caribbeanblue
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      Caribbeanblue If he came home, I would take it very slow because I know he has been in there 23 years...that's a long time. He has practically spend his 20s and 30s in prison. I would suggest to him to move in his parents to get used to the life outside. As the oldest son, he always wanted to take care of his parents. I would not give up everything here and move to the US or something. I would first want to see how the relationship is going. I've been traveling between Germany and Boston these last six years, so I have no problem to contiinue doing this. My dream would be to rent a car and travel through the US with him....low-budget and like a roadmovie. I have this picture of us in my mind: He is driving, while I go through his hair with my hand and just looking at him and flirting with him all of the time. I would want to make love with him in every state of the US. I would also want to visit the grave of his victim with him to apologize....these are just some random thoughts...who knows how reality would be like...
      2 years ago
    • Caribbeanblue
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      Caribbeanblue P.S. Only if I see if we are ok would I give up my stable job here and move to the US...if I move at all...
      2 years ago
    • Tiggers girl
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      Tiggers girl my man is very family oriented so if he were released, I think he would love to be part of family life again. My answer would be yes, I would be ready, for whatever life threw at us, when you work and love together, anything is possible
      2 years ago
    • sweetestlatina
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      sweetestlatina i would be ready but my house would not lol . no seriously i know its a very real possibility especially will bills that have passed in California and his time served we are a team so whatever we go through it will be together im ready for an end to this prison life
      1 year ago
    • rosy
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      rosy my husband has been down 25 yrs so my question would be is the 21 century really ready for my guffball to come home.. cuz i have been waiting and ready for him to come home... ok ok why lie i wud b a nervous reck.. not sure if ready or not..
      1 year ago
    • His Queen
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      His Queen Yes, I think we would be ready. My Beloved is serving a wrongful conviction sentence. We both know he made some mistakes in life but he did not do what he was convicted of . Therefore he was never accepted being incarcerated. He has been prepared mentally to come home. In the last few years he as seen some movement with his case. We have been together for the last 8 months and he is ever more eager to come home. We talk often about the logistics of life for him after his release because we KNOW GOD WILL PROVIDE
      1 year ago
    • Natalie
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      Natalie Hi, I think that I would not be ready tomorrow. I have thought about this a little, even though the relationship is new and I think tht if he got out tomorrow I would choose to make some changes to my life so that I could be slower with him as he adjusted. Right now my work life is really fast paced and I'm pretty busy. This is only because I don't have things that I want to do more than work ... no kids etc. It's such a hopeful thought though, imagining if I'd be ready, thanks for asking.
      1 year ago
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    Admin JoJo Matthews
    JoJo Matthews-Staff Member/Website Moderator commented on the group SPWF Lifer Beauty Group's wall:
    @Ro, good answer. I would want them to know that prison isn't prejudice to one type. Anyone can go to prison at any time.
    2 years ago
  • ×
    Ro ❤ CoFounder/President
    Ro ❤ SPWF Owner/CoFounder/CEO commented on the group SPWF Lifer Beauty Group's wall:
    @jojo...LOVE this. If I only had to choose one thing to try to make them understand, It would be that we are not the stigma. We r not crazy, desperate, ignorant, insecure people. We r simply in love. And the heart wants what the heart wants. ...
    2 years ago
    • Queen Afrika
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      Queen Afrika This is so true! Our love is so genuine towards that individual that we look past their mistakes and focus on building for the future!
      2 years ago
  • ×
    Admin JoJo Matthews
    JoJo Matthews-Staff Member/Website Moderator commented on the group SPWF Lifer Beauty Group's wall:
    I want to leave you all with this question tonight, If you could have all your friends, family and fellow prison sisters in one place to talk to what is the one thing you would want to let them know about being a lifer wife, fiancée, ...
    2 years ago
    • Tiggers girl
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      Tiggers girl wow, good question. Sisters, we are in this together, and you never have to feel alone. Family and friends, this life is hard sometimes, and although I am strong, I am stronger with your love and support.
      2 years ago
    • Nicole
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      Nicole Wonderful question!! I'd want them to know why I am here. I'm here because i'm in love with a man that is so incredibly good to me. The love we have is so strong and I would be a fool to let prison walls separate that. It may not be in the norm and may be looked at as weird or whatever, but what we have as a couple isn't weird. Its a beautiful relationship that I wouldn't give up for anything. I believe in miracles and I believe this life sentence will not be permeant. i have gained strength and confidence through this journey and I thank God for the lessons He has taught me through it all. To my prison sisters, we are all so strong and so beautiful! Keep your heads up and keep your hearts strong! We got this!
      2 years ago
    • AmyJo
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      AmyJo I would want everyone to know, including my baby, that I am not "settling." And I don't deserve "better." These are things I've heard from them and they simply aren't true. I feel like it would be settling to find someone else just because this situation is less than ideal. And that there is no one on the planet who is better for me than this man who I am so deeply in love with. I have never wanted kids or any particular job or lifestyle. I just wanted someone who I connect with on every level and who I can share unconditional love with. I have found that in him and I have never been so happy.
      2 years ago
    • mrsk97279
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      mrsk97279 id want my family to accept it. my cousin was murdered 15 years ago. hes locked up with matt and matt knows who he is. my family thinks matt is like the serial psychopath that killed our cousin. i want them to see matt and know that im happy. i just want acceptance.
      2 years ago
  • ×
    PoetsGirlfriend
    PoetsGirlfriend commented on the group SPWF Lifer Beauty Group's wall:
    @ JoJo I will tell him how I feel and talk to Tyler about it. We are always open with each other and communicate. I don't know the girl or how to get ahold of her though. I only know her first name.
    2 years ago
  • ×
    Admin JoJo Matthews
    JoJo Matthews-Staff Member/Website Moderator commented on the group SPWF Lifer Beauty Group's wall:
    @ PoetsGirlfriend, be an adult and reach out to her and and her what's up. Ask her why after 5 years she is suddenly showing in interest in him. I wound be honest with your man about your feelings. Don't get crazy just tell him. It's a normal human ...
    2 years ago
  • ×
    PoetsGirlfriend
    PoetsGirlfriend commented on the group SPWF Lifer Beauty Group's wall:
    Thank you for the suggestion. I know he is really in love with me and I know he doesn't think of her in any way other than friends. I just don't know how to handle this jealousy. I don't want him to think i don't trust him and I don't want to guilt ...
    2 years ago
  • ×
    Ro ❤ CoFounder/President
    Ro ❤ SPWF Owner/CoFounder/CEO commented on the group SPWF Lifer Beauty Group's wall:
    what if you suggest both visiting at the same time and see how he responds. ;-)
    2 years ago
  • ×
    PoetsGirlfriend
    PoetsGirlfriend commented on the group SPWF Lifer Beauty Group's wall:
    Is it normal that I am jealous that another woman wants to visit Tyler? She was Tyler's friend in high school but he has been in prison for 5 years and she has never visited him before. Why now? We have been dating for 8 months and it has been the ...
    2 years ago
    • Jess
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      Jess I would talk to him and tell him how you feel. Communication is key when it comes to being in a relationship like this. He needs to know how you feel, and if he respects how you feel then he won't have her visit if it bothers you that much.
      2 years ago
    • Jidje's Girl
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      Jidje's Girl I am having issue like yours. But the woman in my boyfriend's life is his ex wife. It is a crazy story how we got togeher. I can tell it openly here and feel accepted. My husband died November 2016. My boyfriend's sister reached out to me on facebook and asked if i could send pictures of my husband to his bes childhood friend whois serving life. I sent th pics with a note, we started corresponding, then he asked if he could call me, we talked a lot, got closer, and yes, now my husband's choldhood best friend is now my boyfriend for the past 8 months. He was honest with me and told me his ex wife wrote im 2 yeas ao and missed him after having no contact with him for 17 yrs. She is also presently married and no intentions of leavng her husband. Their relationship was fll of trouble and lies and secretive and drama. He and i built a friendship of laughing and non stop talking that turned into love. He is extremely attentive, calls 3 times a day everyday and i visit him one a week. We have become very close. Problem for me is, ex wife not dealing well with break up and emails my boyfriend every week very emotional about not talking to him anymore on the phone or beng able to visit him. She is still married to her husband who obviously knows nothing of her relationship she had with my boyfriend. He doesn't tell her he is with me now because he says he doesn't want to hurt her, she is a good person, just broke it off saying he didn't feel the same and wanted to just stay friends. He tells me when she emails him. I am understanding and too nice sometimes for my own good. What is some good advice to deal with situation? I feel i have waited long enough after 8 months not to be a secret to his ex wife who has a husband?? And why does my boyfriend still accept her emails and correspond with her? I told him the other day how i feel and it is bohering me. He said he loves me and only me and he cares about her as a friend and doesn't want tobe mean? She doesn't want to be his friend. she is sad and wants him emotionally back in her life and she is MARRIED? What would you guys do about this? How would you respond to your boyfriend who is talkng to the ex wife still and she doesn't know about me...it is awful think and i am on the verge of telling him pick who you want to speak with...me or her. I think it is a ridiculous situation and i am feeling like a fool. Thaks for any input
      1 month ago
  • ×
    AmyJo
    AmyJo commented on the group SPWF Lifer Beauty Group's wall:
    I like this topic too! I am new to all of this, my baby and I aren't getting married till sometime this fall. He is serving a 40 to 60 yr sentence, his earliest release date is 2045. We both know that realistically we may never have a life together ...
    2 years ago
    • blue eyes mommy
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      blue eyes mommy that good amy my man has no date :( but we are trying to get him out someday but all this happend n gards being mean n idk keep ur head up he will come home to u
      2 years ago
    • Tiggers girl
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      Tiggers girl Amy jo, I know that I will never have a life with my man in the traditional sense, but I think of our situation as I don't know him any other way, I met him when he wasin prison and I know he will never be released. That's incredibly sad, but we are so good for each other and have great times together, that's our happily ever after. There's a favourite movie quote that seems perfect for me and my death row husband....I'd rather have 15 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special....I'm having my 5 minutes of wonderful with my beautiful man and it feels amazing. Love you all ladies, thank you for your neverending support xxx
      2 years ago
    • blue eyes mommy
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      blue eyes mommy yes tigger i know how u fell i thank god for ever letter every call n every moment i have with my babe i love him so much so i understand were ur comming from
      2 years ago

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  • Admin JoJo Matthews
    by Admin JoJo Matthews 6 days ago
    Sooooo my love called me yesterday morning to say he got moved to another Pod and now gets contact visits. It's through bars but I will take it. He also got a job which he's been waiting for a very long time. I'm so beyond excited!!!
  • Admin JoJo Matthews
    by Admin JoJo Matthews 18 days ago
    KNB I agree. He just amazes me that he can continue to be true to himself
    After the ugliness he has seen and now being locked up basically 24 hours a day. I know he has a lot on his mind I've told him before he can share with me. I know he doesn't want to because he doesn't want to add stress to me. He always tell me I can tell him
    Anything good or bad. He's a fighter and survivor like me.
  • KNB
    by KNB 19 days ago
    Glad you had a good day :) It can still surprise me sometimes that they can be the ones to lift our spirits and so freely break into laughter from such a hard place. These relationships can be so hard yet such a blessing at the same time :)
  • Admin JoJo Matthews
    by Admin JoJo Matthews 20 days ago
    KNB thank you for always taking the time to respond
    To me. Today was a good day and I even got a call from
    Him, just hearing his laugh made things much better.
  • KNB
    by KNB 21 days ago
    I suffer from SAD myself though recently I have found that I have the occasional problem with general anxiety as well. It seems that your partner is forgiving and understanding of what you are going through and the issues it may cause eg lack of correspondence, don't put undue pressure on yourself. When suffering from anxiety for myself at least I think the more I feel I HAVE to do something or be a certain way the more difficult I find it is to do it. Take your time with the letters, maybe send a few cards or postcards where you don't feel you have to write so much? I think you need to be more kind to yourself being overly emotional sucks but your going through a fair bit by the sounds of it, besides the life that comes with loving a lifer you have your daughter flying back home, the desire to find a way to be closer to her, your health and work, and that is just what I have read from you recently no wonder you are emotional thats a hell of a lot to deal with, your heightened anxiety may in part be due to having so much on your plate right now your mind just doesn't feel it can properly deal with anything else right now no matter how small or simple. Take care
  • Admin JoJo Matthews
    by Admin JoJo Matthews 21 days ago
    Ughhhh so I'm totally behind on writing letters. My love hasn't complained nor has anyone else. The thought of even picking up a pen and writing gives me anxiety. I'm not sure what is going on with me lately but I've been emotionally unstable for some time now. Simple things give me anxiety, I get angry, I get sad where all I want to do
    Is cry. I wish it would all go away I don't like feeling this way.
  • Admin JoJo Matthews
    by Admin JoJo Matthews 28 days ago
    There are days when I'm totally accepting of the fact he has LWOP and other days I'm like what the fudge?? This can't be real. He's coming up on his 2 year mark for being sentenced and hitting his yard. He should be reclassed soon and then will have to wait until something comes up where he can be moved. CO III told him there are some guys that have been waiting a year or more to go to a lower yard. It gives me anxiety because he's in a certain situation that could be bad if they throw him into regular general population. He's approved
    For alternative housing which isn't protective custody but he can't be regular gen pop. It's so strange. However once he gets to a lower yard we may have better chances at contact visits.
  • Admin JoJo Matthews
    by Admin JoJo Matthews 1 month ago
    Ms. LWOP, thank you. I'm sorry you struggle with depression too. It's a beast I tell ya. Sadly I let a lot of things get to me and I had to step a way for awhile. I've been a part of this community in particular for about 5 years now. At the same time I was part of other communities as well. Not all of them are nice so that compounded on top of personal stuff
    and I just couldn't take it anymore.
    Now I'm only part of this community. I struggle to connect with others but this helps.
    I hope you get to feeling better soon.
  • Admin JoJo Matthews
    by Admin JoJo Matthews 1 month ago
    Ms. LWOP, thank you. I'm sorry you struggle with depression too. It's a beast I tell ya. Sadly I let a lot of things get to me and I had to step a way for awhile. I've been a part of this community in particular for about 5 years now. At the same time I was part of other communities as well. Not all of them are nice so that compounded on top of personal stuff and I just couldn't take it anymore.
    Now I'm only part of this community. I struggle to connect with others but this helps.
    I hope you get to feeling better soon.
  • Ms.LWOP
    by Ms.LWOP 1 month ago
    JoJo: I'm sorry to hear about the health issues and on-going depression. I've been struggling with bouts of depression recently, as well, and most days, I'm lucky if I leave the house. Reading posts on this site seems to help so I try to visit a few times a week. Thank-you for your support and encouragement....xoxo