Dec 6th

Getting Married T-3Days

By Misty

It’s almost here, in 3 days I’m going to be Mrs. Stevie Ray! He asked me to marry him for the first time on January 29th 2015, at our 3rd visit, which was crazy, but incredibly romantic. We wanted to do it right away, if we could have we would have eloped that night. But I wasn’t actually legally divorced until October of that year. So he asked me again on January 15th 2016.

Again we wanted to do it right away of course, but life got in the way. On February 2nd 2016 someone tried to kill him. They snuck up behind him and sunk a hammer into his head. He ended up with a pretty impressive scar, a metal plate in his head, and 6 months of medical isolation and seg. We finally made it through that, it was one of the hardest times either of us have ever been through, physically for him and emotionally for both of us. But if that didn’t tear us apart nothing would, and as soon as he was back in general population we started planning again.

After all the red tape they could throw at us, dozens of emails and calls to the warden and commissioner trying to get permission, and a date. We are finally getting married this Friday.

Then 2 weeks before my wedding, last Sunday, my ex husband threw a bomb at us. He’s starting up our custody battle again, with his main argument being that I’m putting the kids in danger by being with a convicted murderer. I felt like I got hit by a truck. I didn’t eat or sleep or even log into SPWF for days. But I’m back now, I’m ready to fight, and I’m ready to show my kids that real love is worth fighting for. I wish it didn’t have to be so difficult, but it is, and I’m strong enough to get through it and I have my almost-husband on my side.

 

This Sunday I went to church and I cried to my pastor about all the roadblocks we’ve faced along the way trying to get this wedding to happen. She calmed me down and reminded me that when we’re in that moment, looking into each other’s eyes, making that promise to each other, that everything else will just disappear. I really hope she’s right, cause I’m ready for that.

Oct 28th

Baggage

By Misty

What is it that has attracted us to men in prison?

Probably the majority of women in here were married (or committed to) their men before they were incarcerated. But there are more than few who, like me, met after the fact. Why would we ever choose to date a convict? It just doesn’t seem logical sometimes, and I still have moments where I think I’ve lost my mind. I never imagined myself in this position. No little girl dreams of growing up and being a prison wife, but here I am and I’m more in love (and happier) than I’ve ever been.

I try to pass it off as a coincidence. The man I love just happens to be locked up. But I don’t think we can totally deny that prison changes who they are, especially long sentences, and my Stevie Ray has been in for 20 ½ years.

I was talking to a really close friend who is also a prison wife and we both noticed the same thing. We all have our own baggage. Of course everyone does. But I’ve met a lot of other prison wives on this journey and I’ve never before met more people who could relate to my baggage as I have here. I’ve had some hard childhood crap, a lot of loss, a couple abusive relationships, and so many women here are in the same boat. And somehow we’ve found our soul mates behind bars.

So I think it’s something about prison. Maybe in order to feel comfortable enough to deal with our own baggage we need men who have just as much of their own. But not only that, we need men who have dealt with theirs and come out the other side.

This reminds me of a speech Piper gave to a young girl on Orange is the New Black.

Yeah, I know how easy it is to convince yourself that you’re something that you’re not. And you can do that on the outside, you can just keep moving, keep yourself so busy you don’t have to face who you really are. But you’re weak. I’m like you, Deana, I’m weak, too. I can’t get through this without somebody to touch, without somebody to love. Is that because sex numbs the pain or is it because I’m some evil fuck-monster? I don’t know. But I do know I was somebody before I came in here. I was somebody with a life that I chose for myself. And now, now it’s just about getting through the day without crying. And I’m scared. I’m still scared. I’m scared that I’m not myself in here and I’m scared that I am. Other people aren’t the scariest part of prison, Deana, it’s coming face to face with who you really are. Because once you’re behind these walls there’s nowhere to run, even if you could run. The truth catches up with you in here, Deana, and its the truth that’s going to make you her bitch.

 

Prison forces you to spend time alone with your baggage. He’s gotten comfortable with his baggage, and he’s not intimidated by mine. He can’t fix my it for me, and I wouldn’t want him to. He doesn’t even expect me to fix it myself. But for the first time in my life I have someone who is willing to sit with me as I work through it on my own.

Oct 20th

Think in Pink! Group Challenge

By Misty

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Think in Pink for Breast Cancer!

 

Premium Member Group Challenge!

 

At some point during the month of October post a picture of yourself wearing pink in the Private Premium Group and tell us who you’re wearing pink for. The most creative will win a prize!

 

http://www.strongprisonwives.com/groups/profile/544

 

If you’re not a premium member it’s super easy to sign up! Click on the “my profile” tab at the top of the page then click on “edit account.” At $1.99 a month it’s super affordable, and you get access to exclusive videos and all sorts of other stuff. Also, every penny goes right back into SPWF to help support and encourage prison wives/girlfriends and family members!

Oct 14th

Meeting the kids...

By Misty

This started out as a status but it got too long, so now it's a blog post :)

Tomorrow's a big day for us. I'm taking my kids to meet my fiance for the first time. They seem excited about it. I told them and they said, "really? we get to see him in person!?!"

He's excited to meet them of course. Ever since we started planning this trip he's been having dreams about bonding with them, and taking them fishing, and us being a happy family together. 

I seem to be the only one who's nervous, and I've been trying for a couple weeks now to put my finger on why I'm nervous about this. I love him so much, and I totally trust him and I know he'll be a good father figure to them, which they really need right now. Their biological dad is very present in their lives, but he's not really the positive influence they need, he seems to take them for granted. Stevie is excited to meet them, and wants to get to know them better, like really know them for the people they are. I don't think they've ever gotten that from my ex. 

I think I'm nervous because it just makes it all seem so real. For the past two years that we've been together we've been in this bubble. Everything has just been about me and him. It's finally hitting me that when he gets we won't be in this bubble anymore. He's actually going to be a part of my every day life. He's going to meet my family and friends, and we are going to be a family. Which is what I want of course, it just seemed to hit me so suddenly. 

We're getting married in 55 days, he's going to be my husband, and their stepdad, and my mother's new son-in-law, and a new member of my social circle, he's really going to be in my life physically some day. For as long as we've been together he's been my escape from my life, his letters bring me to another place, I go to see him alone. We're so much in love, but it's so separate from my day to day. I guess it's just finally hitting me that some day me and him and the kids are going to wake up in the same house and eat breakfast together and it will all seem normal, not like some faraway fantasy. 

Tomorrow I'm going to have to deal with their questions. We haven't actually told them why he's in there yet. How do you explain murder to a 6 year old? I've skirted around it, but he doesn't actually know what happened, and he shouldn't know all the details. But I don't want him hearing them from my ex, so we have to answer him. And my 10 year old just wants to know if he can call him "Dad" and when he's coming home with us, which is hard to explain too. Just one step at a time, as gently and honestly as possible.

Any advice would be really helpful...

 

Sep 29th

October 2016 Meditation Challenge!

By Misty


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Starting October 1st join us for a 31 day meditation challenge!

We're going to experiment with different music, mantras, and learn about the 7 chakras!

We're going to start off slowly, if you've never tried meditation before this is the challenge for you, or if you're looking to get back into it.

Every day for the month of October log into the SPWF Life Club group to see the daily discussion, and challenge.

http://www.strongprisonwives.com/groups/profile/5360

 

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Sep 28th

New Group! Parents and Loved Ones of Sex Offenders

By Misty

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A safe place for compassionate discussion and support. Possible topics are many, but could include: registration laws, collateral consequences, treatment, research, life in prison as an S.O., stigma and shame issues, and understanding the complex and confusing feelings and issues affecting those who love the offender.

Copy the link below to join the private group! 

http://www.strongprisonwives.com/groups/profile/8419

Sep 7th

On the back burner...

By Misty

I’m writing this blog mostly to ask for advice, and also to know that I’m not alone.

What is on the back burner in your relationship?

As much as we try to stay in the present in our relationship, it doesn’t always work out that way. There are certain things that won’t be resolved until he comes home. So we put those things on the back burner.

Our issues are simmering away back there, and if the pan gets bumped they boil over.

The biggest issue on our back burner is our families. Neither family approves of our union. My family doesn’t approve for the obvious reasons, he’s in prison for murder. They don’t know him, and they don’t understand how I could really know him considering we’ve never been together in the free world. I know he’ll win them over when he gets out, they’ll see that we’re happy together, and they’ll slowly accept him as part of the family. So that’s on the back burner for now.

His family thinks we’re rushing into this marriage. They think I’m controlling because I’ve convinced him to move to my home town when he gets out. I have children, so not uprooting them is the most practical thing to do. They think I’m flighty and probably stupid because I’m willing to wait 5 ½ more years for him. They don’t think I’m going to stick around. I’ll prove them wrong too, in time. So right now that’s on the back burner too.

We’re both making our own efforts to keep the peace in our families. Their disapproval is a temporary situation, and neither of us want to lose our families support over it. But lately I can’t stop my emotions from boiling over anytime he sees them. They have been so vocal in their disapproval of me that I can’t help but feel betrayed that he still spends time with them.

 

We pride ourselves on our honesty and communication skills with each other. But this situation is out of our control. Our wedding is coming up in 57 days, he’ll be home in 2057 days. I know these issues will get resolved in time, but in the here and now I need to be able to let them go. How do I do that?

May 20th

SPWF Spirit Week Day 5

By Misty

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SPWF Spirit Week Day 5

 

Show your support by wearing Pink and Black, and share your pictures here!

 

#SPWF #SPWFPINK&BLACK

May 19th

Father's Day Card Swap 2016

By Misty

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To sign up click the start here tab at the top of

 

the page and then click the menu button and

 

click the Father’s day card swap link

 

Sign up is open now and will run until May 25th


so don’t delay, sign up today.

May 19th

SPWF Spirit Week Day 4

By Misty

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Day 4 of SPWF SPIRIT WEEK!!!

MY LIFE'S A MOVIE DAY! Submit Movie titles or video clips that best describe your life in your opinion!