Aug 22nd

Invisible shackles

By Admin JoJo Matthews

The countdown is on until my daughter returns to Oregon. It makes me sad to think of the loneliness I will go through again. I pray her dad lets her come for Christmas otherwise I won't see her until spring break which would be 6 months later.

The one thing I hate about her going to school versus home schooling is now my time with her is based on her school vacation schedule. Her dad also wants time with her. I try to explain to him that her time off from school is the only time I get to see her. He gets her every day. 

I just want my love home so he can hold me after her plane takes off and I can cry instead of being strong. 

I have looked in to moving to Oregon to be closer to her but they live on the coast so it's pretty expensive. If my love were home it wouldn't be an issue because we would be a two income family instead of me all by myself. 

It is so frustrating and this is one of those times I wonder if I really can walk this journey forever. It's days like this where I have no hope at all that laws can change that

he could have a chance to come home. I usually have a small sliver of hope that he will walk out those gates into my arms but today isn't one of those days. Today is a reminder of how alone I am in this free world. I would rather be in that tiny cell with him than deal with this. 

Today is an emotional roller coaster that I must ride alone and make it look like I'm ok when I'm a disaster on the inside. 

#invisibleshackles

Aug 17th

Parole Thursday and My Life

By Admin Cat AKA MrsB1948

These past few days have been so stressful. That "older sibling" thing REALLY SUCKS!!!! All good. His group went well, he's thinking he has a new PO.  We spent the evening with the Oldest Bonus Son, he leaves for his Sr. year tomorrow.

 

****DISCLAIMER****

Strong Prison Wives do not encourage Live Streaming while driving

 

 

Parole Thursday and My Life from Catherine Julius on Vimeo.

 

Aug 17th

Since February

By Admin JoJo Matthews

My last blog was February 1st and after re-reading it and seeing how much hope I had. Well 4 short days later I landed in the hospital with Ileus. It was awful. I came home from work Friday night, actually sent home because I was nauseous. Within an hour I was driving myself to the hospital after I managed to quit puking long enough to get there. The doctor never really said much about it other than if it didn't resolve itself then I would need surgery. I wasn't allowed any water or food the whole weekend and those hospital beds are horribly uncomfortable. Well come Sunday I was suppose to be let out but once the doctor made his round and discovered I had a migraine he decided to keep me another night. Monday I was suppose to start my new job. When I landed that new job things were going to turn around for me. Sunday afternoon I had to email my new boss explaining that I couldn't start the following day as I was in the hospital. She emailed back saying no problem, start Tuesday. 

Tuesday rolls around and I wasn't feeling 100% it made me nervous because I threw up so much I was afraid of it happening again. I emailed them once again explaining I'm still not 100% and would hate to start and I get sick again. I had 8 weeks of training to get through and I couldn't miss a single day otherwise I would fall behind. I had already missed day one. She emailed back saying she would speak to my department manager about me starting the next training class in April. Hallelujah I was able to start in April. 

Having given up my job at the grocery store a few days before the hospital I went back full time at the restaurant. Things were still iffy with my digestive system. I struggled to find something to eat that didn't make me feel ill. I went back on lactaid pills, I started taking beano, and I cleaned up my eating habits. No more eating things with ingredients I can't pronounce or isn't natural. 

April rolls around it's time to start training. I ended up declining their offer because I was so afraid of getting sick again. I went into a pretty bad depression in March and I think my anxiety got the better of me by April. I was tired all of the time and could barely stay awake. My emotions were all over the place and sadly my loved one took the brunt of it quite a few times. Thank sweet baby Jesus he is a forgiving and understanding man and we've made it through my crazy time. I was super sad and crying one minute and angry the next. He found himself apologizing when it wasn't him that started it, it was me. I know he felt helpless. 

I ended up finding something called Maca powder it's made from a Peruvian root. I was taking it for 2 months, it seemed to help. I started taking vitamin B12 again the methylcoblaminin one. I have a history of being seriously deficient in it and have been on shots twice. Anyway I stopped the maca powder because it's expensive and I was going through it too quickly. The B12 seems to be sustaining me. I did research on all my symptoms and of course it can be a number of different things. Being that I don't have health insurance I can't get diagnosed properly. 

Honestly I think it's a few different things, B12 deficiency, D deficiency(diagnosed with that at one point as well) and I think thyroid may be giving up on me finally. Thyroid disorders run in my family and I think my mom was just a tad older than me when diagnosed. I've been tested since I was a teenager and was fine. A few years ago I was tested and the doctor told me that my levels were low enough he wanted to put me on meds. He said I was borderline. I took the meds I think for 6 months in which point I moved back to the U.S. from Canada and ended up not taking them anymore because no health insurance again. Later on I was tested a few different times. One doctor wanted to put me on meds. One doctor sent me to and Endocrinologist where I had a thyroid ultrasound done. They told me it didn't show any signs of being under active. This is when I was diagnosed with b12 and D deficiency. 

Anyway I'm ok as if right now so I will take it. I'm sorry my blogis all

over the place but that's part of what I've been going through.

I am staying as positive as I can and just going with the flow and trying to realize God's purpose for my life.