I'm not married to my husband. WHAT?! Reasons I won't marry Adam while he is inside. & my advice to SPWF's contemplating getting

Published by: Ro ❤ CoFounder/President on 25th Feb 2016 | View all blogs by Ro ❤ CoFounder/President

I'm not married to my husband. WHAT?!

Here are the reasons I won't marry Adam while he is inside. Also, I share my advice to SPWF's contemplating getting married behind the wall.  This is a video that's definitely worth watching. 

The beautiful SPWF who sent me the request to make this video sent me back a private Periscpe message today. First of all, I can't tell you how much it made my night to get a 15 minute personal video from an SPWF sister letting me know how much the video helped her. Touched my heart.

I also got lots of great feedback throughout the day. So, I figured this message needed to be shared with our entire community. I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. xo, Ro




  • Misty
    by Misty 2 years ago
    Fantastic advice Ro! For anyone getting married not just prison wives.

    Me and Stevie are MWI, and the first time he proposed was about 2 months after we met. And I will admit that I probably did say yes mostly because of insecurity. But so much has happened since then, and the reasons I want to marry him are so much deeper now.

    In the year I've known him there have been two times when they've had to call because he was in danger, and as his girlfriend I wasn't the one they called. This last time he was close to death, and I think that made the urge to marry sooner so much stronger for both of us. Maybe it's the fear of losing him, or losing him and not being a widow just being some girl he knew.

    It won't change the commitment we have, we're already totally committed. But it will make us real in the eyes of the system and both our families. It will help when I go up in front of the clemency board for him, and I think it will just make things feel more settled for both of us.

    Also, I don't want the flowers and cake and everything, I had it before and it didn't make anything better. I really just want to see him stand in front of me and say the vows he wrote and know that he'll love me forever.

    I totally get your reasoning. It's different for us because he's getting out in 6 years no matter what, and we will have a ceremony with our families then, we just want this commitment now.
  • Jo_Reed
    by Jo_Reed 2 years ago
    This is an AWESOME video and GREAT advice! It's SO important to REALLY take the time to get to know the person you "think" you want to spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE with! And the great thing (yes, I said it!) about OUR situation is that it allows us to REALLY do that on a whole different level, WITHOUT so many other distractions (physical and "life"-wise) getting in the way. You can really take the time to BUILD your communication and problem-solving skills and learn each other SO well if you put the effort towards that, in order to give you the very BEST foundation for life AFTER prison! LOVE THIS!
  • Jen
    by Jen 2 years ago
    Beautiful Ro!
  • Admin JoJo Matthews
    by Admin JoJo Matthews 2 years ago
    Great words Ro. I always suggest looking into the finer details of how the facility operates about whom the contact for what reason. For instance while at visit my mother in law found a piece of paper taped to the wall, since it was my turn to talk with Joey she went ahead and read it and good thing too because we would have been screwed should something happen to Joey.
    AZDOC(if I am wrong and anyone wants to chime in let me know) from what I understand requires the inmate to fill out what is called a release of information form designating someone for the prison to contact in the event of an emergency. Being wife or mother or anything else has no bearing, if that form isn't filled out with someone to contact then no one will be contacted at all. Only one person can be designated so that kind of sucks.
    What I don't know is if he and I are married and he didn't fill out a new form designating me and something happened and medical decisions need to be made who is going to be the one to make them? His mom is the only one they will release information to but legally I am the one to make the decisions.
    Something I should probably look into, but it's also something for everyone to think about and check that this isn't the same policy in the facility your loved one is in. He may have filled out a form when he first got there and didn't really know what it was.
  • Jo_Reed
    by Jo_Reed 2 years ago
    Great point, Jojo. Ben and I solved that problem even before the wedding by having him assign me a full "power of attorney" authorizing me to be the individual who makes all his financial and medical decisions and basically acts as "him", should anything happen. It was a form HE actually was able to secure at the prison, sign and have notarized by the prison library staff and mail me. It's a HUGE "trust" issue as obviously you should NEVER give one to anybody you don't COMPLETELY trust - you're basically giving them legal ability to act as YOU in ANY matter! - but it was a great relief to both of us to have it, since his family cannot always be reliably contacted anyway.
  • sweetestlatina
    by sweetestlatina 2 years ago
    We did the power of attorney too before we were even married it took me 3 years to even agree to get married while I love him to death I wanted to be sure we knew each other first really knew each other.
  • Juls
    by Juls 11 months ago
    Thank you. You have helped me to sort out some of my feelings on this issue. I will definitely be putting more thought into it before making a decision. Hugs to you for the great advice.
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