CaityBaby

CaityBaby

24 years old
Female
Location
Hawthorne
United States
Current Status
He left me. He took me off his visiting list. He keeps telling me to block his calls, but I won't. I wish I could even say that this was justified, that I'd done something to deserve this, but it wasn't, and I haven't. All I wanted was to be with him,
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  • How did you hear about us?
    I was simply searching for support groups for women in my situation. I knew they had to be out there. I'm at the beginning of a long journey and am trying to prepare myself.

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    CaityBaby
    CaityBaby He left me. He took me off his visiting list. He keeps telling me to block his calls, but I won't. I wish I could even say that this was justified, that I'd done something to deserve this, but it wasn't, and I haven't. All I wanted was to be with him, and accomplish all of our dreams and goals together. He went to far this last time, he made sure I knew that we were no longer engaged. That he didn't want his ring, that I should just throw mine away. He has completely and totally broken my heart, and I would still forgive him for it, if only he was sorry. He won't acknowledge anything that he said or did, as if I was just supposed to get over it. I've "just gotten over" a lot of things, and I've justified a lot of his behavior. I've given him nothing but love and support, and in return, I get kicked to the curb. I don't understand it. I wanted so badly to see him tomorrow, to just hold onto him and kiss him again, and now I don't think I'll ever get that opportunity again. I won't block his calls because I'm still holding onto the tiniest sliver of hope that maybe this isn't what he really wants, but with every phone call the knife digs deeper into my gut and only solidifies his decision. Words cannot describe the pain I'm in. He was my everything. He was so much a part of me, I don't know how it's so easy for him to let go of me like this. It doesn't even seem like it phases him. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to turn. He was my lifeline and my sanctuary, and now all of a sudden he isn't? I can't wrap my head around it. I can't fathom a life without him. He tell me, "Don't worry, you'll move on soon enough." Move on? Are you kidding me? I have loved only him for so long, I couldn't bear the thought of being with anyone else. How could he think I could just move on like that? I just want to be able to work through this with him, but I can't be a doormat either. He needs to recognize the damage he's done and maybe be a little bit sorry, but I'm afraid that's never going to happen. I miss him so much. I miss his love. I miss my best friend, my partner in everything. I never wanted to be without him, and now I guess I'm going to have to learn how to do just that...
    2 months ago
    • View all 4 Comments
    • Tommie
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      Tommie hopefully this visit turns out to be a good one okay. Hope this helps, keep us posted. Love always, Tommie~~~~~.
      2 months ago
    • Tommie
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      Tommie I'm so sorry this had to happen to you, it isn't fair, and maybe it's just a phase he's going through, question has he thought about breaking up with you before? If so, I know it's hard to recognize the signs, and maybe he's just scared of being in love, ya know, most of our kings feel that way. Me?? Deryck and I both has been hurt before and we be damn to hurt each other after all the shit we've been through together. If nothing changes in a wk, month or to, hate to say this to you, better for it to happen this way, then waiting till he gets out and all of sudden he changes, it isn't right, no, bc you've put you're all into it, we get it, "I" get it okay so you're not alone, but if you need to take a break from the sight, we do understand okay, but honestly, hoping you'll stay with us okay, ((((hugs))). Pray about it, and lastly go ahead and cry, shedding tears cleanses the soul, so it's nothing wrong with that, from time to time you're gonna feel left out, lonely, it's normal and natural hearing and reading other women's post about how they can't wait till their loved ones come home and they're planning their wedding day, or anniversary, and mine has been home almost a yr now and it hasn't always been easy for both of us, but someway, somehow, we seem to make it work. if you wanna talk some more, i'm here and I do hope you sleep well tonight okay. Love always, Tommie~~~.
      2 months ago
    • CaityBaby
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      CaityBaby I appreciate you Tommie! This site is amazing and I do rely heavily on the support I find here. I'm going to go see him on Sunday for a little while before work and I'm hoping it's a positive visit. We've had a few phone conversations this week, and most of it has been him apologizing. I know he was really going through it this last week or so. I've told him countless times though, even if we aren't together I will still love and support him. Obviously that's not how I want it, but right now we are just taking baby steps trying to get back to where we were. I truly believe we can get there. If he would just stop pushing me away all for the sake of "self preservation" he just needs to open up and let me help, but he gets stuck in the "prison mentality" and that's when he shuts down. He is such a strong and capable man, but he doesn't know how to let down those walls. Either way, I'm never going to abandon him or stop loving him.
      2 months ago
    • Tommie
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      Tommie Gm and good for you, and yes don't leave him bc just when you think he doesn't need you, that's when you can expect the unexpected to happen, so I will be praying for you both, and sadly our kings don't nothing else but how to be instuitionalized, sad but true, and hopefu
      2 months ago
    • Tommie
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      Tommie hopefully this visit turns out to be a good one okay. Hope this helps, keep us posted. Love always, Tommie~~~~~.
      2 months ago
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    CaityBaby
    CaityBaby The last couple weeks have been rough. Justin won't communicate with me at all. I'm supposed to go visit him this Sunday, and I've been excited about it for weeks now, but with his recent attitude change I'm nervous about it. He says all we do is fight on the phone now, but I never try and fight, I always try and come up with resolutions but he never wants to hear me. A few days ago he told me he wanted "permanent space" and that I should block his calls. What am I supposed to do with that? He's called me since but he won't revisit the conversation. I'm just always trying to put on a happy face for him. Act like it doesn't bother me, but the phone calls come farther and farther apart and I'm constantly worried about him. He still has all of my love and support, but he doesn't seem to want it. I'm heartbroken to say the least. But I'm going to continue pushing forward with all of our goals in the meantime, though it feels like he's stopped loving me I could never stop loving him and I refuse to abandon him.
    2 months ago
    • wonderwoman
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      wonderwoman Sorry to hear that you're going through this with him. We don't know what they go through in there. At times my husband gets the same way, when he does I write him letters telling him how I feel and letting him know that I'm here for him. Stay strong.
      2 months ago
    • Tommie
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      Tommie Yeah sometimes they need reassurance, bc us women we really have no clue as to goes on behind bars and behind closed doors, so don't overthink anything and when he's ready, he'll let you know okay. Love ya girl, Tommie~~~.
      2 months ago
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    CaityBaby
    CaityBaby Does anyone know how to buy a media bundle? I can't remember if it's through accesscorrections or corrlinks and I can't find the link on either at the moment. Help!
    2 months ago
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    CaityBaby
    CaityBaby He's pushing me away. I know it's all a matter of his own self preservation, but knowing that doesn't make it hurt any less. I don't know how to make him realize, even if he pushes me away, I'm still here loving him, rooting for him, supporting him, I've given up so much just to be with him, this prison sentence didn't scare me at all. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I could stick by him through it. But losing him, terrifies me. There's no one around me who understands what I'm going through, or even bothers to care. My mother does nothing but tell me how stupid and wrong I am. And when I turn to him, he pushes me away. I've never felt so alone as I do right now. I'm at a complete loss..
    2 months ago
    • Admin JoJo Matthews
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      Admin JoJo Matthews I'm so sorry to hear this however it isn't an uncommon thing to do for them. All I can say is continue to stand by him. Only way to convince him is to prove it. Keep writing letters and what not. It took time for mine to realize I wasn't going anywhere. Just keep reminding him that he is loved. I pray for you and hope things get better soon.
      2 months ago
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    CaityBaby
    CaityBaby Today has been bad. In desperate need of some patience and understanding.
    2 months ago
    • Island Girl
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      Island Girl Prayers up for you to have your heart & mind filled with peace love joy & comfort so that anything else won't even matter
      2 months ago
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    WonderWoman89
    WonderWoman89 has accepted CaityBaby 's friend request.
    3 months ago
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    CaityBaby
    CaityBaby Our first visit was amazing! He was afraid it might be a little awkward but it's never been that way for us, I didn't expect it to start now. Of course I was a little emotional when I left but I was so thankful for the opportunity to even see him, my joy won out in the end. I can't wait for the next visit. :)
    3 months ago
    • View all 3 Comments
    • Admin JoJo Matthews
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      Admin JoJo Matthews Yay for joy winning in the end. While it's hard and we get sad knowing that we have a love that brings us joy is what matters most the rest is temporary.
      3 months ago
    • Funsize
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      Funsize So happy for ya'll!!
      3 months ago
    • kruppwife2014
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      kruppwife2014 I love hear about visits that are positive there the best .
      3 months ago
    • Admin JoJo Matthews
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      Admin JoJo Matthews Yay for joy winning in the end. While it's hard and we get sad knowing that we have a love that brings us joy is what matters most the rest is temporary.
      3 months ago
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    CaityBaby
    CaityBaby My man has been doing so well I could not be more proud of him. He's constantly doing school work, working, and has been working out nonstop. "Healthy mind, healthy body" right? Unfortunately it only takes one thing to derail all of it. His ex wife has constantly used their son as a pawn against him and it's always back and forth with her. Today she decided to use her power to destroy all hope of seeing his son. She won't cooperate with anyone and absolutely refuses to allow any contact anymore, even though she was ok with it just a week ago. My love is an amazing father and he meant the world to his son, and now he fears he's going to lose him forever. I wish that she would stop being so hostile, I pray she has a change of heart, otherwise it could be 2019 before my love sees his son again. I try to encourage him constantly but some extra prayer never hurts. I pray that God would soften her heart and allow her to see the damage she is causing not only the father of her son but her child as well. As always I'm remaining hopeful. I'm very nervous for our first visit, but also very excited. I just wish I could be bringing his little man with me, I know he misses his daddy. We've overcome so much so far, I hope it's only a matter of time before she comes around. xoxoxo
    3 months ago
    • Tommie
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      Tommie Gm CaityBaby-- What it is, she's threatened and feel intimidated by you, bc you and your future hubby are getting along so well, plus she's jealous of what you two have bc she never had that with him, and acting that way around her son is gonna make him lose respect for either her, if not him, praying it won't be for his dad, but don't worry the truth always has a way of revealing itself, you keep doing what you're doing and watch and see how God works okay. Hope this lifts your spirit today and tc and have a good day today. Love always, Tommie~~~~.
      3 months ago
    • Admin JoJo Matthews
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      Admin JoJo Matthews I will pray for her to have a change of heart as well. In the meantime you do your best to keep him encouraged.
      3 months ago
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    CaityBaby
    CaityBaby P.S It's my fiance's birthday in a few weeks and I wanted to do something special. I can only think of maybe getting creative with pictures because mail is kind of strict (no drawings or colors etc.) If anyone has any helpful ideas I would greatly appreciate it. xoxoxo
    3 months ago
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    CaityBaby
    CaityBaby It's been a couple of months since the last time I checked in here. I forgot what an awesome community this is, with people experiencing the same kind of pain without any judgment. I'm having a hard time staying strong right now. I take everything day by day but right now it seems so worthless. My fiance' has been incarcerated since May and I haven't gotten to see him even once. I feel like a visitation would raise both of our hopes just a little. And that's all either one of us needs right now, a little hope. I miss him more than my heart can bear most days, but he's grown so distant. I know he's afraid of the worst, but I'm still here trying to maintain a "normal" life. I've enrolled both of us in college courses, I work two jobs, everything I do is working towards the goals that he and I have set up. I wish more than anything I could make him see that. We still have a long road ahead and I know I need to buck up before I let this despair take control.
    3 months ago
    • Tommie
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      Tommie Gm CaityBaby-- And that's all you can do right now is to have a little hope, you have more than enough on your plate right now, I say continue to reach out to us, write to him, bc right now, the visits may not be feasible and we all understand that, lastly, pray, prayer changes everything ya know. This time last yr, I was in school stressing about my grades, but, kept a smile on my face bc he came home November 28, 2016 and we married the morning after, and that's from doing a 4.5 yr bid and raising 4 kids (mine bio) and going off to school part- time so I know the feeling love okay you're not and will never be alone and don't lose hope on your love and feelings for him bc it could be he's just as scared as you are right now, and feel so worthless bc he may feel and too scared to say you deserve someone else, and you know you want and love him more than anything in the world. My now husband and I has had and still have our ups and downs, marriage life isn't always easy, nor does it end in fairytales with happy endings, but with your reassurance and faith, maybe he'll realize you're the woman he wants, desires and needs right now. Hope this helps some, and if you ever feel the need to talk please msg any of us at anytime okay. Love always, Tommie~~~~.
      3 months ago
    • CaityBaby
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      CaityBaby Thank you so much. I appreciate your kind words and support. My prayers have definitely been answered! My visiting was finally approved (apparently my application was lost somewhere but oh well, it's gone through now) Not only that, but I have been blessed with amazing coworkers who have offered to cover my shift and even let me borrow a car so I can get to him this weekend for our first visit. I am so nervous, I feel as if it's the first date all over again, with a few more rules of course, but any time with my love is enough to last until the next time I get to see him. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, I am so relieved. Thank you again
      3 months ago
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    Admin Cat AKA MrsB1948
    Admin Cat AKA MrsB1948 has accepted CaityBaby 's friend request.
    6 months ago
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    Ro ❤ CoFounder/President
    Ro ❤ CoFounder/President has accepted CaityBaby 's friend request.
    7 months ago
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    Anna
    Anna has accepted CaityBaby 's friend request.
    7 months ago
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    CaityBaby
    CaityBaby has accepted cjag's friend request.
    7 months ago

About

I'm 23 years old and my fiancé is facing a 2-15 year sentence. I'm constantly hoping, wishing, and praying for the minimum but it's looking pretty bleak. I'm currently just trying to surround myself with positive energy and supportive people who can understand what I'm going through.

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