B

B

25 years old
Female
Location
Baltimore
United States
Current Status
I don t know if my boyfriend is gay or not. I really think he may be bi. Background: Wen he was home he treated me like a queen (when we weren't arguing) He gave me thee best Valentines day where he decorated our apt. he always bought be me small mea
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    B
    B I don t know if my boyfriend is gay or not. I really think he may be bi. Background: Wen he was home he treated me like a queen (when we weren't arguing) He gave me thee best Valentines day where he decorated our apt. he always bought be me small meaningful "just because gifts" We had sex alllllllllll the time. He is well dressed but not obsessive. He is a tad narcissistic. He has been locked up since 2014 and has been in and out of jail since he was a teenager. He was molested by men as a child. I read articles about kids going to jail and an older guy taking them "under their wing" and think about that often We met when I was 16 (Im 24 now) and I didn t suspect anything then only small things over the years Like: 1. Him not wanting to have sex with me at first because he thought I meant more (at the time I thought that was super gay) 2. He was walking down the street with his shirt off and a man pulled over and was trying to talk to him about a "business venture" I asked my bf "Don t you think he liked you" and he said no. I just don t see why a grown man that doesn t know another grown man would pull his car over to talk to this grown man with his shirt off. Anything he wanted to ask my bf at this time he could have asked ANYBODY else Ok so I moved to Atlanta (just moved back home a few months ago) Moving there completely screwed my mind up and ultimately left me thinking that EVERYBODY was gay. I have digressed but my "down low-dar" is on and poppin (I think lol) We got back together in February while he was locked up. I love him and have always loved him. Didn t care that he was locked up just wanted to be there for him like I knew nobody else would These are my reasons for thinking this now 1. He stared this one guy down at one of our visits. He said he was trying to see who was visiting the guy (This has happened afterwards and hes said he was looking at the people behind me, what was going on I the room, the babies,etc.) 2. He said you can only catch a specific STD from girls (Who TH ELSE WOULD YOU CATCH IT FROM?) He also said his bunk buddy told him that but I didn't care because it came out o his mouth (my bf is gullible and a follower btw) 3. I found pictures of him and this guy in his dropbox. It looked like they were out at the mall or something. He was smiling so hard with the peace sign up and the other guy was just chilling like he didn't even care about the picture) This was a selfie 3a. Another picture of a guy looking weirded out at the bowling alley because my bf was taking a picture of him and another of some football player signing a board. 3b. Also some of his friends he'd taken pictures of at this community event he was in. I just don't feel like men should have other mens pictures in his phone or taking selfies with other men My bf is light skinned and pretty. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Him telling me you can only catch STDs from girls is what really is makin me think he is in jail having sex. Which would annoy me but honestly I don't care. I have battled with my sexuality up until last year because a girl kissed me when I was like 6 and that is no comparison to being molested. I also had a dream about him telling me he was gay (I know dreams can be interpreted in many ways) "You can only catch ... from girls" That means men, trannys, and shemales are in the list as well. Right?
    1 year ago
    • Kitty
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      Kitty You need to talk to him about and consider where your relationship stands with him of he is gay or bi. Some of those things do seem alarming.
      1 year ago
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    B
    B Hello everybody I hope you guys are having a great day! I was just wondering if anyone has had any experience with counseling or psychiatry in jail. Did it help? For some reason i don't know why but I feel like they would use information against him if they wanted to. The system isn't held to the same laws even if they say or try to make it seem like they are. Are there certain things he shouldn't say? I really need my love to talk to somebody on a regular basis to help him through his pains and problems of his past and he needs it before he comes home. I want to advice counseling to him but I don't kno about counseling in this setting and capacity I just don't want him to continue on this whole time being there without help. can someone please let me kno if you have any experience on this topic please
    1 year ago
    • View all 9 Comments
    • KrisnRandy
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      KrisnRandy @koki, I would say definitely have them get into programs. Rand has gotten degrees being in Prison. He takes classes, he goes to school and he joins programs that they offer there. He is in federal and some places really have great programs. Rand went into the Challenge program at his old faciliy, it teaches them responsibility. They give them jobs, and they are entitled to more. Rand really wasn't an Angry person to me, but I would see how he would get in certain situations and I made him get his ass into an anger program too, which has really helped. I do a lot of research for my babes though. I communicate with his teachers and councelors through email and try to do everything in my power to help him as much as I can while he is in there. My babes in currently in Kentucky. He started in Cali and has been transfered 4 times in the last year. (we are trying to get him to PA so he will be closer to me in NY) He is also in federal, I know each state facility is different though. @B my degree in Psychology for sure helps me with him and lets me understand where my babes is coming from with certain things. We will never really understand unless we are in their situation (which believe me I'll never be in), so that does get frustrating for us. Once they get home they really need to have counceling though. They are ""hardened and desensitized" while in there, and they have to be broken of that when they get out, or they will revert to the same things that got them there in the first place. I am always here to help if need be. If you have any specific questions don't hesitate to as me! Stay strong sistas xoxo
      1 year ago
    • Caity
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      Caity I made it requirement when R is home that he seeks some sort of therapy. He had a hard childhood, a mother who suffered from mental illness and now being in prison. He normally just sweeps everything under the rug but this time is different. R told me he will seek help when he is home but feels its not worth it serving his time.
      1 year ago
    • KrisnRandy
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      KrisnRandy My babes did have counceling, and honestly it was one of the best things he could do! He talked to the lady about his childhood and the abuse he sustained, and she helped him release some anger that he was harbouing inside him. I will say that the councelors are different from the CO's. They didn't use things against Rand, but then again, there is nothing they can really use against him cause he only talks about his past. I'm sure he wouldnt give the councelor information to use against him, but thats just my thinking. But I will say for him it worked and it was a good outlet for him. His councelor at his old facility was pretty amazing though... im sure they are all different but I would say for your man to definitely check it out! Stay strong xoxo
      1 year ago
    • Caity
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      Caity Oh thats awesome that he was able to talk to someone, R is so damn stubborn and has a really hard time opening up about his past especially when it comes to his mom. B I hope your man is able to get the help he needs, R and I will also continue to see a couples therapist, we started right before R was arressted. We made it a whole 2 sessions before R cracked under the pressure of everything.
      1 year ago
    • KrisnRandy
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      KrisnRandy Our men for sure can be stubborn, they want to be "tough" I made R understand, that Tough, wasnt going to jail and leaving me to pick up the pieces on the outside, tough wasnt getting into fights all the time so I wasnt able to talk to him, tough is nothing that they think is tough, tough is being a man and learning how to cope with emotions and feelings, and being able to be there for your other half. They are so brainwashed its really sad. And most of the time the damage is done when they are younger and they are just a product of their enviornment. I made him realize that in order to get himself better to be better for us, there are certain things that he has to do to be a "better" man. He also knows that I have a degree is Psychology soooo he listens to my advice. And I will say I have seen a change in him, and he just keeps working towards the better, and hes soooo not as angry anymore! Ill take it! xoxo
      1 year ago
    • koki
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      koki KrisnRandy what are the things they should do to get better kindly let us know this might help us to help ur loves
      1 year ago
    • koki
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      koki i ment help our husbands
      1 year ago
    • B
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      B Kris that is awesome. When I first started college my major was psychology. I've always been really interested in the human brain and how it behaves and why. My baby has been through so much as a child. His mother was on drugs and dies in jail, he's been molested and his father was abusive to his step mother. He has been through so much and our time while he was home a few years ago(we broke up and got back together in jail) was both beautiful and treacherous. Neither one of us knew why we were so dis functional. After we split I took time delving into my past and why I had become the way I'd become. We are in MD. The criminal system here as well as everywhere sucks. I really don't have trust in anything they hav their hands on. It's sad and you're right they do get brainwashed idk what they do to them in there but it's sick. I really need him to be able to at least cry. I cried one day I went to see him and he said "I wish I could cry with you but I can't" how hurtful must that be to not be able to cry when u need to
      1 year ago
    • B
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      B What state is your love in?
      1 year ago
    • KrisnRandy
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      KrisnRandy @koki, I would say definitely have them get into programs. Rand has gotten degrees being in Prison. He takes classes, he goes to school and he joins programs that they offer there. He is in federal and some places really have great programs. Rand went into the Challenge program at his old faciliy, it teaches them responsibility. They give them jobs, and they are entitled to more. Rand really wasn't an Angry person to me, but I would see how he would get in certain situations and I made him get his ass into an anger program too, which has really helped. I do a lot of research for my babes though. I communicate with his teachers and councelors through email and try to do everything in my power to help him as much as I can while he is in there. My babes in currently in Kentucky. He started in Cali and has been transfered 4 times in the last year. (we are trying to get him to PA so he will be closer to me in NY) He is also in federal, I know each state facility is different though. @B my degree in Psychology for sure helps me with him and lets me understand where my babes is coming from with certain things. We will never really understand unless we are in their situation (which believe me I'll never be in), so that does get frustrating for us. Once they get home they really need to have counceling though. They are ""hardened and desensitized" while in there, and they have to be broken of that when they get out, or they will revert to the same things that got them there in the first place. I am always here to help if need be. If you have any specific questions don't hesitate to as me! Stay strong sistas xoxo
      1 year ago
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    Jo_Reed
    Jo_Reed has accepted B's friend request.
    1 year ago
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    B
    B Baby is still on lock up. Under investigation. His case worker didn't hav any new updates on the case but he seemed ok. I get to talk to him tomorrow which I am excited about because we can only talk once a week for 15 minutes now :( I'm used to talking to him everyday! :( but I'm remaining faithful. His case manager said he looked ok and said Sam (baby) said he was ok. I was concerned the last time I talked to him by how he looked but I'm going to pray about that as well. I kno everything will b ok. Even when I feel down or start to doubt I just keep telling myself "everything will be ok. Everything will be ok" and keep the faith. It's sooooo hard tho. I break down so much. But I kno its worth it. SAM is worth it. I can't express how hard it is I catch myself in mood swings and having mixed emotions. Sometimes I'm super faithful and positive then in a split second I want to cry and am shaking my head because these feelings and this hurt just isn't right. But we have to stay strong for our men. THEY NEED US. And the fact that I know he needs me and I need him it keeps me going. I couldn't imagine leaving his love ever but especially at a time like this although it may be hard. Life is hard. But love is everlasting. I love him soooooo much. Be blessed ladies! Stay strong and stay blessed you are all beautiful and are fulfilling a purpose regardless of what it looks like or what people think. I love you ladies ❤️
    1 year ago
    • View all 5 Comments
    • kkadam
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      kkadam Yes, he does and you do too. You may find that you are happier without him. Do it while he is in prison so it's easier for you. First write the letter tell him how you really feel if he trips then you have your answer on what to do.
      1 year ago
    • kkadam
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      kkadam Men are stronger than we think and they do a whole lot better in there t Han we think. Yes keep the faith and love for him. He is good just because of you and knowing that you have his back and is holding him down out here, so stop stressing and worrying he is good because of you and he is a man, still.
      1 year ago
    • B
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      B You're so right about that. Apparently somebody told him they saw me at a basketball court or something maybe it was his sister or maybe he made it up. Now I'm battling whether or not I should go see him because he said so many hurtful things to me including he doesn't love me but maybe he will b ok with it or maybe I should put my foot down and stand for something I just hate to try and prove a point while he's on lock up or any period that he's still locked up in general I'm so tired of the disrespect. He has always listened to other people over me. When we were together yes I did hurtful things and so did he but our past is catching up to us and it's not pretty. He walked out on the visit and everything.
      1 year ago
    • kkadam
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      kkadam In that case just give it a break, do you for awhile see if this relationship is really what you want. If nothing else let him miss you. Maybe you should just write him a letter explain everything about his disrespect toward you and the hurtful things he says to you you don't deserve that. He got locked not you. My Adam and I have disagreements but he has never been hurtful or disrespectful we met while incarcerated we been together a year he says I picked him up saved his life when I started writing him. We have a strange but wonderful story of how we met. But my sister love you and your decision will be easier to make. I'm here if you need to talk.
      1 year ago
    • B
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      B We come from a very bad past. Before each other. With each other. We broke up and got back together while he was locked up already so we really didn't get a chance to repair anything cause he is there. Maybe I should let him miss me. That's just so hard for me to do cause I love him so much I feel like I would b hurting him more but maybe that's what he needs
      1 year ago
    • kkadam
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      kkadam Yes, he does and you do too. You may find that you are happier without him. Do it while he is in prison so it's easier for you. First write the letter tell him how you really feel if he trips then you have your answer on what to do.
      1 year ago
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    B
    B has accepted Mrs Smith's friend request.
    1 year ago
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    B
    B He normally calls me by now. At least once. We've been arguing about trust. I have my issues and he has his. In these times I think about anything and everything that could be wrong and the reasons why he hasn't called. We talk everyday. I feel like I can't take it anymore I love him so much though and I kno for a fact he feels the same. I just get so tired of not knowing. Not knowing when he will call not knowing what's going on. It's stressful and I want to give up but then I know I would still think about him and still be hurt wondering what's going on because I'm in love with him. I'm so tired of the mental turmoil
    1 year ago
    • View all 6 Comments
    • Valerie
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      Valerie This life will definitely test your relationship...There will be so many ups and downs, doubts and sacrifice's and many BAD days. U just have to decide if the love you feel for him is worth it. Even sometimes I have doubts but never enough to give up on what we share. It will bring you closer in so many ways. Hang in there and have faith.
      1 year ago
    • tommie
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      tommie Hey B-- Thought I dropped by and talk to you before I finish dinner, listen to me, you're gonna have those issues, but is it really him, or is someone else in your past maybe that hurt you and you can't seem to let go of?? I'm not accusing you okay, bc for instance, I was NEVER an insecure woman until I met the love of my life and yes Deryck and I both have our trust issues, but we don't let interfere what we have planned in our future, and what you may need to do, I strongly suggest is that you write to him and let know upfront what's really bothering you, okay, bc I'm sure he feels the same, communication is the key to successful friendship, relationship and marriages, and as you know, that's one of the reasons why relationships and marriages fail bc of lack of communication. I'm not saying you don't talk to him and maybe, just maybe you've done all you could, and if so, then, take a break for a few days and you keep a journal of your feelings okay, and sometimes they maybe on lock down, I mean it's a huge possibility some states varies when it come to that procedure.. So don't sweat the small stuff, put your thoughts pen to paper or email (if your state has it) and express yourself like you did here, and see what happens, and don't be surprised to see the same reaction as yours okay, bc when you worry, he's worrying too alright.. Good luck and love ya girl Tommie
      1 year ago
    • Valerie
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      Valerie B...I know what you mean! Seems I'm always waiting, waiting for a call or a letter, news about something, it's exhausting! So trust me I know the mental turmoil! Sad thing is we have NO choice. The alternative is life w/o him and I can't imagine that, so I deal!
      1 year ago
    • tommie
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      tommie Yeah I agree with you both, the waiting game is no joke, but in the beginning of your post @ B- you said, you guys been arguing about trust, well as I mentioned b4, you may want to put your thoughts down on paper and express to him as to how all of this makes you feel, and I'm sure he feels the same, okay, so I know first hand this journey isn't easy bc I wouldn't wished this on anybody, bc yes it's an emotional , mental, physical turmoil and it leaves "us" lonely, so if wasn't for this site, where would be, what state or right frame of mind would we be in?? Ya know and the encouraging thing is this, we get to connect with other women who may or going through the same exact thing as we are, so just keep reaching out to us and know that we love you no matter what
      1 year ago
    • B
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      B Yeah I'm going to write him. It's just crazy because he would normally get somebody to call me if he can't get on the phone to at least let me know he's ok. But it could be a lock down situation. Trust is the only thing that will get us through this and we don't have much of it. I feel like when he doesn't trust me he goes and does something he wouldn't just because. I do so much sacrifice so much I mean things that I can't even speak on and I still feel like he doesn't love me at times. But I do have a lot in my past that I need to work on. Now it's like do I be petty and not answer (which I can never do unless the number is just blocked and I can't see it) because I feel a certain way or answer. Oh yeah I have a temper issue and this situation tests that in every way. I need to grow up. I also feel dumb a lot even being in this situation. Is love worth it. But what is life without real love. And he was so good to me when he was home. I came back around after he got locked up this time that's how much I wanted to be with him
      1 year ago
    • Valerie
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      Valerie B I lost your message before I could respond. I uploaded a pic once by mistake and had to get DaShawn to take it off for me, so to answer ur question, No I don't know how. Sorry.
      1 year ago
    • Valerie
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      Valerie This life will definitely test your relationship...There will be so many ups and downs, doubts and sacrifice's and many BAD days. U just have to decide if the love you feel for him is worth it. Even sometimes I have doubts but never enough to give up on what we share. It will bring you closer in so many ways. Hang in there and have faith.
      1 year ago
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    R&RHall
    R&RHall has accepted B's friend request.
    1 year ago
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    AD103
    AD103 has accepted B's friend request.
    1 year ago
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    B
    B has accepted Katie's friend request.
    1 year ago
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    B Love
    1 year ago
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    1 year ago
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    1 year ago
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    1 year ago
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    B
    B Does anybody live in Baltimore or in Maryland at all?
    1 year ago
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    B
    B Hello everybody. I'm new to the group. I'm thankful that this resource is available because like many of us know, unless you're in this situation you have no idea what it's like and the emotional turmoil we can face on a daily basis. When we think of them not being there which I'm sure is every moment of the day we are reminded of the same harsh reality. But we will make it. I believe in us! Just curious. Does anybody live in Baltimore or in Maryland at all? I think it would be great to get together, maybe carpool and just collaborate with each other on anything and everything to make this time or transition better for us. Have a blessed day all! Stay strong
    1 year ago
    • View all 8 Comments
    • AD103
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      AD103 I'm in NY but my husband is in MD with the feds so keep me posted if you plan a get together!
      1 year ago
    • Candy
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      Candy Welcome B, check out the Forum and you will find a link for each State, hopefully you will find someone close by.
      1 year ago
    • belovedfortaleza
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      belovedfortaleza Welcome B! We believe in you too
      1 year ago
    • tommie
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      tommie Hey B- "Welcome" to our group okay and damn it, I wished that I was in B'more, I'm in Roanoke, VA (originally from Detroit, MI) and my fiance was born in Trinidad Tobago and Spain and grew up in E. Brooklyn, NYC and we met here 4 and and a half yrs ago Jan 23, 2012 and looking to relocate to Charlotte, NC, and hopefully we get assigned to a very nice PO that will let us do so, bc we want out of this commonwealth state, in dire need of a change bc this ain't it, lol..
      1 year ago
    • B
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      B Thanks Candy! I found it am hopefully the ladies reply! And thanks Beloved! And Tommie wanting out isnt the phrase. I cry almost everyday. its stressful and draining esp when you know they arent getting treated properly
      1 year ago
    • BritFink
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      BritFink B welcome to the group
      1 year ago
    • tommie
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      tommie Ooh girl, I know, I know, bc like now, really at 7:30 I was looking forward to our evening call, he couldn't call me this afternoon at 1:30 bc he had some kind mandatory meeting he had to attend, and two sometimes other inmates think they run the place where's he at with their little cliques going on ya know, but I ain't worried bc they not on lock down and I'm not mad bc we had our am calls earlier today, I'm guessing 3-5 times today, so I'm okay, at times I get in my feelings and be in a funk, but I gotta do better than that bc he doesn't have that privilege like we do, which is freedom and peace, at least not yet, still got 150 something days left, shewww those 3 1/2 has been brutal (July 25, 2012) is when he turned himself in for petty crime and they wanna treat him like he ain't shit and stupid my baby is 52 yrs old and I'll be 41 this coming Sept and VA doesn't care AT ALL and that's the truth
      1 year ago
    • billie1980
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      billie1980 Sorry welcome to group I am from South the I understand not easy I am here for you. I am older than my man he 27 and me 34 year old.
      1 year ago
    • AD103
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      AD103 I'm in NY but my husband is in MD with the feds so keep me posted if you plan a get together!
      1 year ago

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